“How do you get all three in and out of their car seats and then when you get home, how do you get them all out?”

These were questions I found myself asking before our youngest was born, I’d thought these things with both boys as well but this time it seemed like a potentially unmanageable feat.

My husband and I are not “life planners “ by any means and because of that I really never imagined our life with three children until I was pregnant. The excitement set in first, I was so excited, and then I started to get worried. Worried about the parts I of parenthood that couldn’t manage on my own. I became fearful and to be honest,  a month into it and I am still trying to work through the fears and insecurities  that most of the time seem completely unreasonable.

With our first that list of insecurities was a mile long and now, looking back, I can kind of laugh about them, but because I’m experiencing similar feelings ( just with three kids instead of one) it’s hard to just laugh it off  as I have not grown yet into this new role and learned what that means for me.  Not that I think you ever get this motherhood thing figured out, but there are those brief moments (minutes, months or even years) where you might feel like you are rocking it.  Well I can honestly say there have only been minutes of that as a mom of three and I’m hoping those might turn into hours or even full days!

My plan is to work through those fears and insecurities at my own pace this time (no pressure from myself or outside sources) .

 Because on the other side of fear is freedom, freedom to go out with all three of my littles on my own (something I’ve been so anxious about), freedom to do the things I’ve always imagined us doing as a family of five like traveling (something that feels almost impossible right now) and freedom to find me amidst the chaos that is motherhood.

Motherhood and the Art of Letting Go is a series I started when my first was born, it was published on Parent Life Network and on my blog (find it here) it was a way for me to understand the changes I was going through as a new mom … because as I’ve told you all before writing is my therapy.