Where I Want to Be

I love new beginnings like New Year’s Day, or the start of a new school year, there is something so fresh and clean about a ‘new start’ and there is often so much optimism that comes along with it. As a writer, the future is a place that I visit often because you can create it, you can build it up like a story and imagine all of the characters and settings that you want (the future is a fantastic fantasy). I also love to look back, reflect on where we’ve been and acknowledge the beautiful and ugly moments of the past that make us who we are today. Pictures, journal entries and long hugs that leave a scent infused memory are just some of the amazing ways we can visit the past. But my children have changed my perspectives on time in a way that I can’t really express; they’ve given me the gift of the present. There is magic that exists in ‘real time’ and that is where I want to be.

I sat down at my computer, opened up my blog and planned to round up a short list of my favourite blog posts from 2016, but I had a lot of trouble choosing. For one, there were so many moments to be grateful for. The birth of our youngest son, our oldest turning one, I turned thirty and my husband stayed in his twenties (he’s holding on to that for as long as possible). It was pretty much a year of big birthdays over here. It also moved quickly, this year felt like a whirlwind gusting through our home bringing a big beautiful mess that might never get cleaned up and I’m learning that it’s ok to get messy. I’m also hoping to someday learn to love the mess.

There was a lot to be grateful for this year, and there is so much that I am excited about as we look to the New Year! To be honest, I love reflecting on the past, looking back and talking about what happened, what choices we made and the amazing things that crossed our path, but this year, I think for the first time in a long time, we are a little unsure about our future and aside from that being slightly terrifying, it’s also very exciting.

For the first time in a very long time, or potentially ever, my husband has made it clear to me that there are so many options; that the future truly is what you make it. I know this sounds incredibly cliché and possibly crazy coming from someone who has a growing family, but he is a man of few words (my husband) and sometimes when he says things, they stick. He’s always made me see things differently and in this case he’s made me acknowledge that there are so many different ways to do this thing we call “life”. That there isn’t a prescribed path that we have to take or a way that we should do things, but that we have options, we can make choices that are out of the ordinary and that is one of the most liberating things I’ve heard in a long time!

My children, on the other hand, have a very different concept of time. For them, it seems, time only exists right now, in this moment. We “play cars” now, we “go outside” now and time stands still when I wake up and stare into my youngest son’s baby blues. They bring me back to the beauty that is happening right now and remind me not to worry too much about the future or fixate on the past. They always bring me back to where I want to be. Right here, right now.

So while I am in awe of the amazing things that have happened in 2016 and feel an overwhelming sense of optimism for what’s to come in 2017, I think that where we are right now is exactly where we need to be.