There are times when we get so caught up in the technicalities of something that we can’t actually see the bigger picture, so fixated on the lyrics of a song that we can’t hear the melody that has the potential to unite us all. Sometimes we worry too much about hitting the right notes, checking off the boxes on our to do lists and meeting every milestone on time that we miss the melody, the potential to be united and in tune with each other. We miss the opportunity to connect when we are caught up in the constant cycle of comparison. After only a year on this journey through motherhood I can only describe it as a series of seasons, waves of weather. There are moments of bright shiny Sundays, pure bliss that you never want to end and then there are days of rain that turn into weeks in a foggy haze that sometimes seems too thick to breathe. But if we connect, rather than compare, if we support rather than pass judgement the storm will be bearable and the sun will continue to shine through the clouds.
So this Mother’s Day, in addition to celebrating my own mom and the incredible woman that she is, I want to pass on the support I’ve been given from those strong mothers in my life, share the story we may be afraid tell, and acknowledge the fact that when we are in this together, because we are in tune with each other, the melody of motherhood will be a much sweeter one.
Over the past year I’ve been writing about letting go; letting go of expectations, letting go of perfection and finding a way to feel strong when weakness seems so much easier. Motherhood brings about a kind of strength that I never knew existed, a kind of love that puts your heart out there in a way that is terrifying and beautiful all at once, but more importantly, motherhood is something to be shared and celebrated because it has the potential to build connections between us that are rooted in compassion. I’ve had to let go of many things along the way, but in turn I have held tight to the rich relationships that have come out of this journey.
I was not the most confident mother in the beginning and I can honestly say that I don’t know if complete confidence will ever be a part of my experience, but I’ve learned to see beyond this and past the fear of failure. Instead, I’m beginning to see the absolute beauty and grace that comes from a shared experience, gratitude and a celebration of each other.
It’s so easy to see our own “faults” and the apparent “faults” of fellow mothers, but what comes of this is a vicious cycle, a never-ending system of judgement that strips away our abilities to enjoy and support one another. Yes, there are million ways to be a good mom these days and a million different choices to make in motherhood, but in the end; breast or bottle, baby carrier or stroller, sleep training or co-sleeping, we all hope that our children will be safe, healthy and happy, the rest is all just marginal, a long list of should dos that seems to take centre stage when they should, in the grand scheme of things, remain in the wings.
So this Mother’s Day instead of hoping to be pampered, or for that perfect gift, my Mother’s Day wish is that I am able to hear the melody, see what should be centre stage and pass on the compassion, support and love to those mothers around me.