My Three-Year-Old (sitting beside me on the couch as I take a mommy moment … aka little rest): “ Are you sad mama?…Do you want a hug mama?”
In My Head: Nope not sad, just going a little nuts and stressing about things beyond my control… oh and… these crazy two and three-year-old tantrums mixed with my fears about the future and pregnancy mood swings are making mommy a little bit tired.
My Real Response: “ No baby, mama’s just tired and I’d love a hug”
I’d be lying if I said I am not a little nervous about becoming a mom a of three, three-and-under. Yes, I am over the moon excited to meet baby number three, but I also have days when I think about how this might all feel and start to get a little stressed. So, when those feelings come on … the “what if it’s so overwhelming?” or the “what if I can’t do it?” feelings I try to think about the positives as much as I can and focus on the beautiful parts of motherhood and how even on those trying days there is always a silver lining, a flicker of light in the dark.
There are days when motherhood feels amazing, the greatest gig of all time! Everyone is cooperating, naptime is a breeze and there are so many snuggles. And then there are days when it can feel overwhelming, like I have no idea how to do this and what I am supposed to do to make this work. And what does that even mean “work” what works one day might not work the next and vice versa.
It’s been almost two months now of being home with my boys again and I can honestly say we have a bit of a routine (it’s messy, naps happen way later in the day than I thought they would) and the boys only play nicely sometimes, but mostly it goes in waves; good parts of the day and tough parts.
Our first week home together I remember saying out loud to my husband, “how did I ever find this stressful?” the week went so smoothly and I honestly felt like it was so nice to be home and have the kids home with me. I thought that balancing full time work, blogging and mom-life was way harder and was convinced this new transition would be a smooth one. Well, apparently saying things like that out loud can jinx everything because as the weeks went on I found working from home (blogging/ writing) and being home with the boys to be more challenging than I originally thought it would be, or ever remembering it being before going back to work. Oh I almost forgot to add being eight-months pregnant into the mix (yup I forget I am pregnant sometimes) which seems impossible when you are this huge, but it happens when you have two kids three and under and a baby on the way. Things are kinda hectic to say the least.
Yes, we have days that are somewhat smooth, our mornings are slow, it’s summer and that means it’s nice out so we play outside, everyone naps and it’s a good day. But then there are those days, you know what I am talking about mamas, or at least I hope so and I am not alone in this, where I just can’t and I feel too exhausted to even leave the house. The “trying threes” mixed with an early case of the “terrible twos” is just too much to handle. I feel like I’m at a loss and I wonder how I will ever get through these stages, let alone add a third one into the mix. I also wonder how I worked full time and felt so confident in my job and yet feel so helpless when it comes to getting a three-year-old to listen. How did I manage full classrooms of high school students (30+ students in each class) but feel so helpless with one “tantruming” three-year-old? Well, I don’t have an answer to my own question, but I have learned to use some of the strategies from my career as a teacher at home (funny that I never thought about this before) and some days, yup not always, but some days they actually do work! And somedays I feel like I’ve kinda got this!
This post has taken me over a month to finish, not because I didn’t want to finish it, but because I wasn’t sure how to say or explain all of these things. Mommy guilt is a crazy thing, and we often want to feel like we are enjoying and embracing all of the moments we get to spend with our little ones, so saying that there are tough moments and writing about them can be hard. But we can’t just talk about the easy stuff, the snuggles, the love that a two or three year-old shares with you through tiny kisses or wishes of “sweet dreams mama” before bed. We need to talk about and share the tough stuff too so we know we aren’t alone in this.
Ps… This will probably be one of my last maternity dress posts because I am almost 39 weeks now, but I am so excited to share with all of you that Pink Blush also has Baby and Kids clothes now. The boy’s outfits are linked below.